Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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