I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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