it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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