youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
