Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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