About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
