yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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