I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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