hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
