DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
