I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
