I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Still dying that you shit outside
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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