Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
