It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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