Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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