My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
