It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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