He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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