dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
