then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
