I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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