Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
