They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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