Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
