He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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