I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
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the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
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On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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