I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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