i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
