he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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