Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
