just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
