3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i don't like sucking hair
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
