Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
