It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I need to align my fucking chakras
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
