Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Randomize
