i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
