Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
