im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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