You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
