What did we do last night that was yellow?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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