i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
