So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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