Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
