Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
