508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My ATM looks so different sober.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
