They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
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You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize