Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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