I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
