He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
