I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
