Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
