Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
