HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
