ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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