I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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