There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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