I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
