another moral hangover. fuck.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
