There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
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I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
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At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Success! We fucked roommates!
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