THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize