Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
