We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
